Goodbye Letter

I don't know exactly how to start this thing. This is the first time I write a goodbye letter.

I just wanted to remind you that life is boring. I realised this years ago, back there in Rio de Janeiro: I was young and handsome, well-educated and wealthy but nothing meant anything to me. One night when I was a child, I woke up  terrified by the idea of death. I was 5 or 6 when I realised that I would had to die, also my parents and basically, everyone. Since then it had been impossible to me to enjoy anything at all. Family, relationships, sex, property, friendships, love, knowledge, money, effort, power, respect, work, prestige, life. Nothing is valuable.

It was one of the main reasons for coming here to London, I thought that I could find something new and exciting but everything was worse. I don't have my own place like in Rio, therefore I had to find a job to have some money... to pay some food and to pay the rent. But work sucks! You have to wake up early, take a bus full of ugly people, meet a lot a people that you don't even like and work for a bunch of idiots.  That produces an unhealthy sense of wanting to kill them all.

Today I walked almost two hours from my job in Drury Lane until Stratford, surrounded by fog and cigarette smoke. During that time I thought that this is it. I'm done. I don't want to keep waiting for something that will never come. I don't have to wait until I'm old and useless to die because I'm going to die anyway, so why don't to finish this once and for all?

I arrived to home earlier and there was no one here. I put "The Suburbs" by Arcade Fire on the stereo. This album is just two years old but it seems that it has passed many time since I first heard it. I don't understand how people can stand time. If you think about it, time is such a deppresive stuff!! I found a bottle labeled as Rodenticide and I drank it with half box of Malboro. Now I'm sitting at the backyard looking to all this suburban landscape reminding the sun and the beach of Rio. "Wasted Hours" is sounding and I can't feel worse. This is the perfect epitome of my life. This boring, useless, senseless and unwanted life.

If anyone is interested: Goodbye!